NIAS #3 Day 4. finally, some emotions

Day 4, 19^th June 2010 (Saturday) – Finally, some emotions

•          Breakfast
•          Farming (clearing weeds, digging, planting onion seedlings)
•          Lunch
•          Personal Time (HTHT with advance party)
•          Soccer Watching
•          Dinner
•          Time with children (akhimi, alfin)
•          Devotion
•          Time with children (beru, akhimi, agus, alfin (BARACK OBAMA!), and the older girls)

Just this afternoon I was telling aileen scarily void of emotions I am with regards to the whole trip, and now I’m experiencing a myriad of emotions.

I don’t know whether is it jealousy or PMS or just me being overly sensitive and self-centered, but this has caused me to change my opinions on someone I thought I knew quite well. but i shan't write anything here, since bad things aren't meant to be remembered.

        

Sigh, I really miss my friends and family back home, I miss den herny and kennethkoh. I miss 78, I miss the 4g girls. And I’m terribly homesick.

The thoughts I’m been having these 2 hours have been simply about wanting this to end, wanting to go  home, wanting to go back to the ocip one year ago, where everything seemed so much more enjoyable. Perhaps it’s really the added responsibilities plus the high expectations that I have set myself regarding this trip that I find myself getting increasingly disappointed at the course of the trip that I’ve been suffering so much, that I am in so much discomfort and pain.

It sucks, this aching feeling.

But there’s one thing I’ve achieved, to spread my love to more of the kids, instead of focusing my time on one like what I did last year. And I just realised how easily replaced I am even though I spent my time on just one or two children for quite some time. It’s going to the point of disgusting, but more than that I feel disappointed and inferior.

But on the other hand I’ve learnt that it’s really about giving the love to people who truly needs it, and for now I’ve decided to dedicate my time to different children, especially those who are more reserved. And I shall stick to this resolution of mine and give whatever I can with what I can, which I feel is the most important. (:

P.S. just talked to ct about the question pak timba asked me. We shared our very differing point of views. hmmm.

and no photos btw, not supposed to use our cameras too often back there. a rule we set for ourselves :)

+ guaishou's! :D