it's funny how i took so long, 22 years, to realise that maybe i've always been more an arts person than a science one.
i really enjoy using my right brain more. i like communicating with people, i love taking photos (something that's still growing within me), i enjoy making music with my piano, guitar, or even drums, and now that i've done my first video, i think i might love making videos too. yesterday's trip to the singapore art museum further reinforced this notion - i like making sense of the pictures and videos i see, the music and noise i hear, and more often than not i sense more connection to pieces of art (which of course, includes music), rather than numbers and analytic engineering junk.
i think it's the way singapore brought me up to be.
we've always been psycho-ed from young of how important science and math is - especially with what they call a "knowledge-based" economy and emphasizing how singapore is a research hub, and how if you were strong in both you'll most likely succeed in life. and i grew up believing that, and the exact opposite - of how being good in the arts almost meant that you'll be useless and poor when you grow up. it might have resulted from the fact that i came from rv, since rv is predominantly famous for being a science hub, and it's pretty obvious how the school emphasizes that more than anything else through all those research programs and the many optional courses that students get to attend.
and hence i grew up believing that i loved science.
maybe i did enjoying studying the sciences, but only because i like it more than math, languages, humanities, literature and all other things. but then again, maybe i liked the sciences simply because i haven't exposed myself to economics, film, photography, or many other things.
which brings me to the point - what do i really like?
for the past two years, i found myself really enjoying playing the piano. i play it at least three times a week, each time i can play for an average of two hours, sometimes even more. occasionally i do play those classical pieces i was taught during the proper classes, but more than anything i enjoy playing pop - accompanying singers, improvising on the spot, and sometimes even composing right at the moment when my fingers hit the keys. i like performing and i feel confident doing so, and i like the fact that the things a human brain can come up with just using the piano itself is simply limitless.
i like playing simple pieces that touches the heart - contemporary music that soothes, much like those you listen in a posh restaurant. i like playing the keyboard with a band, especially when someone starts strumming some chords or starts grooving on the drums and everyone else starts to play naturally in a flow.
this passion for music stays with me, and still burns strongly, but its upsetting how i can't find similar like minded among the people i hang out with simply because they were all brought up the same way as i was - being taught how being practical was the most important thing. its funny how difficult it is to truly pursue your passion here.
and now i love taking photos and editing them. i love carrying my jeremiah around, taking shots of the awesome things i see, and making memories permanent in digital form. i love travelling, because it gives me a chance to take many photos, see awesome things, and process the beautiful things in my right brain. i love adventure, because i enjoy the adrenaline rush and i like being in situations that challenges my preconceptions towards life.
now, i can proudly say i love all these, and perhaps a few more, but it sucks when i can't say that i love what i studied in the 18 schooling years, or even exclaim how i love my job (which of course, can only be definitive after i work long enough), or the many things that take the bulk of my time. eventually what i really want is to do what i love, so as to fully utilise that passion within me and at the same time, be truly happy.
but then again, human beings are such complicated creatures. who knows, maybe if i was trained in the arts instead i would have exclaimed the reverse, and who knows, if i explored the many other options around i might end up in the same place.
eeks, i'm being incoherent. and now i think i don't even make sense.
must have been the film j and i watched yesterday at SAM. about how the director first sees what he wants to see in his film, instead of having a ready script prepared. he talks about how he starts with a huge empty white space in his mind, and then how little parts of the picture will slowly appear on this white space till it forms a complete scene, and that's how he "sees" the film even before it is made. and then he went on describing his train of thoughts, which were both deep and highly provoking, things that a normal human being using wouldn't envision or process. and that really got me thinking many things, even though now i can't really remember what the film's about.
anyway, i really loved the exhibition at SAM on video. (: as for now there's 4 films that i really liked - the one that i just described, another one about helicopters and the vietnam war, one more on how mass media depicts violence, and finally, how thai farmers react to contemporary pieces of arts from the west. i think i'm going to try searching for all of them. hehhh.
okay, it's a little late. time to sleeeeeeep.
+ guaishou's! :D
